Omigod. It’s 2014. And I still do not have a flying car. Seriously. Can you believe the hustle & bustle is over? Again?! Every December 10th-ish, as I pull out the boxes of Christmas ornaments and the decor, et cetera, I think, “Shit, weren’t we just doing this, like, a week ago?” Every year is like a damn Mazda commercial: zoom zoom. Stop, Father Time. It’s not funny anymore. You need to slow this freight train down so I can buy better anti-wrinkle cream.
What’d you do for the holidays? I went to Victoria, BC, saw some family (but sadly, no orca), ate some food, came home and ate even more food, succumbed to a nasty cold, ate cookies to treat said cold (duh), drank a million cups of coffee because Mr. Gordon bought us a Keurig coffeemaker — I FEEL SO RICH NOW — and it’s really fun to watch as the coffee comes out of the spigot like MAGIC, watched some movies (have you seen Stuck in Love by Josh Boone? Oh, you guys, you gotta. So fantastic. Greg Kinnear, Jennifer Connelly, Lily Collins, Nat Wolff (soon to be Isaac in The Fault in Our Stars!!!), Logan Lerman. Loved it. Trailer here:
Rewatched Perks of Being a Wallflower because yes. Saw The Heat (again) because I needed a giggle-to-the-point-of-pee-pee … shit, there were more. Beyond all the holiday favorites (It’s a Wonderful Life, Love Actually x 10, Elf, Rudolph, yadda yadda). And I read exactly zero books. But that’s mostly because I was sick and my eyeballs were owie so reading didn’t work so good. Forgive me.
ANYWAY, in recapping how fast the holidays were over, despite the fact that many humans spent weeks (or months) preparing, I felt a Tally of Festivities settle upon me:
- 842: Cookies, yo. Sugar, chocolate chip, almond, fudge … I didn’t actually count, but this seems like a nice round number. My ass is also nice and round. We won’t talk about her number.
- 0: The number of books I got for Christmas. Mostly because I went out and bought 14 in the weeks leading up to the Day of the Fat Red-Suited Chimney Creeper Man.
- 2: Number of times I’ve left the house since December 23. I don’t care if this is unhealthy. I LOVE MY BLANKIE.
- 11: Rolls of toilet paper I’ve gone through with my awesome Rudolph-inspired, cold-infected nose.
- 93: Times I’ve had to pull Naughty Nuit out of the Christmas tree.
- 5: The number of new rubber ducks added to my collection from darling friends. The first two came all the way from VIRGINIA. Who doesn’t need an alien duck with a winter hat (called a “tuque” in this here Canada)? The silver miss has a secret in her belly — ask her a question! I dare you! She’s already told me to “take a bubble bath,” “trust yourself,” “go for it,” and apparently, I’m “glowing.” The little yellow fella is a flashlight that quacks. And of course, SHAKESDUCK. All the way from LONDON. You may bow.
- 1: Number of smoke bombs set off at our local Apple store.
- 6: Times I’ve scared the shit out of the cats by loud, in-game cheering for Ryan Kesler and our Canucks. #goCanucksgo
- 7: New members of my growing Funko-Pop doll collection. We now have Daenerys (Mother of Dragons), Khal Drogo, Jon Snow (he knows nothing), those wacky Lannister kids, and Legolas.
Right now, we have the cat in her new sweatshirt sent from my girl, London Sarah. Nuit is pissed. But it’s raining really hard and I just ate bacon for dinner so we need evening entertainment. I have no idea why rain and bacon are related. Tonight, they are.
Over these last few weeks, LOTS of people have picked up our book, Must Love Otters, and many have emailed, tweeted, and Facebooked to say hi. I LOVE THAT. Thank you, so much, for reading, loving, and sharing our book. The reviews on Amazon make my heart go pitter-pat, and those kind, kind words are what get my arse into the chair, cookie hangover and all, to dream up more crazy lives of crazy people. To you, our humblest thanks. *curtsies*
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!